Remote tribe discovered worshipping iPad

It came to me in a dream, claims shaman elder

By Lester Haines • Posted in Bootnotes, 29th January 2010 11:02 GMT. (See Source Here)

Anthropologists claim to have contacted a remote Papua New Guinea tribe which worships a crude effigy of an Apple iPad crafted from the bark of a sacred tree.

That humans bow at the altar of Jobs is nothing new, but what makes the case of the Ka’zi exceptional is that the tribe has until now had no contact with the outside world, no technology of any kind, and therefore no scientifically-explicable means of knowing of the iPad’s existence.

Professor Hugh Macbucks, who led the expedition deep into PNG’s virgin rainforest, explained: “It really is quite remarkable. When we first enterered the Ka’zi village, the tribe was completely occupied offering various forest fruits and baskets of fish to a representation of Apple’s paradigm-busting iPad.

“The effigy itself was hewn from the i’Wannitt tree, known to science as Cupertinus fanboisia, and renowned for the potion brewed from its leaves which induces a state of wild enthusiasm, although simultaneously numbing your critical faculties.”

Macbucks continued: “The tribe’s shaman elder explained that under the influence of i’foria, as the drug is known, he was visited by a superhuman being with a beard, a forehead of polished ivory and four eyes who described to him a magic tablet which would bring about a rebirth of humanity and the dawning of a new age of inter-tribal peace and understanding.”

“In fact, Ka’zi legend tells of such a divinity – a man who transcends the mere mortal to open all the doors behind which lies wonders beyond imagination, such as enchanting music and magic communications tools allowing, for example, the Ka’zi to share their everyday lives in brief bursts of 140 characters or less.”

The professor proposed that Apple had indeed transcended the worldly and was now operating in a state of pure energy from which it could plug its products directly to susceptible minds.

He noted: “Even we in the sophisticated West are sometimes inexplicably struck by the sudden desire to acquire an Apple product, regardless of cost. A primitive Ka’zi brain, therefore, is fully open to suggestion, even when it isn’t operating in an i’foria-induced fug.”

Macbucks concluded that the Ka’zi have, since their first contact with civilisation last month, fully embraced all the benefits the 21st century has to offer. “When I last saw them,” he said, “they’d already bought some Avatar memorabilia on eBay, subscribed to a celebrity upskirt website and established a Facebook group protesting at having to stump extra for the iPad with 3G connectivity.”


6 thoughts on “Remote tribe discovered worshipping iPad

  1. Hi everyone,

    To let everyone know Ilya from AAP sent this article around in jest and to promote, to various offices on the 21st of January.

    Another form of his sarcastic attitude for PNG that he has been employed to annoy and unsettle the country by AAP and Australian Government.

    1. First – lets get some facts straight.

      This article is a satirical story poking fun at Apple fans, who seem to uncritically worship any new product coming from Apple. Just look at the names used! It was published on The Register site – generally a well-respected source of news and comment about the world of IT. If you check the original link you will see that it appeared on their “Odds and Sods” section where they post weird, strange and hoax stories for a laugh. I even posted a story there once when the Post Courier ran an article about dinosaurs being seen in Kokopo.

      However I do believe that too many Western journalists and writers often resort to saying “a primitive tribe in PNG or the Amazon Jungle” as a byword for all that is superstitious or undeveloped. (Also check the picture of Barrack Obama dressed in Huli bilas and called a “witch doctor” which did the rounds on the Internet recently.) This is racist. However the article is not meant to be about PNG but about superstitious praise of anything from Apple.

      If the article had been about PNG tribes worshiping the great god LNG or Carbon Credits it would have been quite appropriate (and funny). If PNG wants to change the western stereotypes of being seen as the place where primitive beliefs and superstition abound, then how about doing something about tribal fights, spurious compensation claims, persecution of alleged “sorcerers”, and money-making scams like U-Visitract or Money Rain!

      Greenie cap – this article is nothing to do with Ilya from AAP. We know all about your vendetta against him because he had the guts to expose the way your Carbon Cowboy friends are operating. So put a sock in it!

      1. Thanks Peter.

        You’ve nailed all the issues and answered all my questions in a SINGLE hit.


      2. In your ear Peter,
        It was sent around by Ilya to PNG offices with sarcastic comments.
        Regarding his stories which he won prizes for, most of what he wrote was incorrect and the information was given to him by a lawyer who is being prosecuted for many charges theft being one. Peter what the hell did he expose?
        All Ilya did was bring PNG into disrepute and cause media speculation, so I sugest you DH put your foot in it.
        By the way there is no vendetta as the truth will prevail, but I can assure you when Ilya and his ‘friend’ are exposed through the courts we will be able to read the real story.
        what about this saying: Never F–k with an honest man–

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